It's Memorial Day and, of course, it's day to honor the memory of those who died in service in our country, including military service members, peacemakers and ambassadors. We are grateful for their public service to our nation.
I'm also remembering two of my clergy women friends who died recently. The Rev. Ruth Drews, my Resident Assistant (RA) from my first year at Luther College days, died from complications following her leukemia bone marrow treatment on May 22nd. She was only 68 years old. My other dear friend, the Rev. Kara Baylor, the chaplain of Carthage College in Kenosha, WI, died three days later on May 25, 2023. She was only 52. Both of my friends were survivors of breast cancer. Both of them experienced additional, serious health challenges in the years after they survived breast cancer. Both of them loved bike riding.
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| Ruth at the Iowa RAGBRAI in 2016 |
Ruth reached out to me via Facebook Messenger after she read my posts about my early stage one breast cancer diagnosis and lumpectomy surgery on February 27th. I didn't really get to hang out with Ruth very much at Luther. She was my awesome RA, along with her roommate and fellow RA, Cindy. I was busy getting to know my friends and immersing myself in the studies and activities. She was a senior and graduated in 1976. She went on to Yale Divinity School back in the days when there weren't very many women. She served congregations out east so, I never saw her in person again. Only chatted on FB when she took it upon herself to post fun, old photos of us from our floor and in messages.
Here's her post from March 3rd:
I don't know if you know that I am an 18 year-old breast cancer survivor, Stage 2 almost Stage 3. I had a mastectomy, chemo (8 treatments) and then radiation. The whole thing was about 7 months, and IT SUCKED--but it many ways, was not as bad as it could have been, and was, for some people. So, I WISH you well--and even if you have to have more than the surgery, hang in there, because you will make it through fine! Prayers and cheers coming from me!
I wrote back on March 4th:
Hi Ruth, I'm sorry I didn't know you had cancer. Thanks for reaching out to me with your story. I'm glad that you're doing well and survived! I'm 5 days past surgery and still have a lot of pain.
On April 14th she wrote:
I sure hope it has gotten better. I now have pneumonia, not life threatening I believe, but NOT great for a leukemia patient, Vented days and the whole bit, but hopefully better now.
In the days that followed, I didn't know that she had taken a turn for the worse. I was wrapped up in my own healing, surviving cancer surgery and the post-op nightmare that ensued. I was just trying to conserve my energy to get through the end of the semester flurry and Coe College's May 6 Baccalaureate and May 7 Commencement responsibilities along with a little international student wedding on May 10th. I feel sad about Ruth. She was a remarkable human being, pastor and friend to so many people. She touched and changed so many lives. She was a force of nature!
Pastor Ruth Drews with some youth at Resurrection Lutheran Church, New Haven, CT
On April 15th, I wrote her back at length about my return to the hospital on March 4th for five days with an excruciating cellulitis infection in my incision wound and the days following. She wrote me back the next day:
So tough! It can go fine--until it doesn't. Blessings and insight and contentment on whatever path you choose next.
It can go fine -- until it doesn't. This phrase is haunting. It was fine for Ruth -- until it wasn't. It was fine for Kara -- until it wasn't. Kara's cancer was in remission. She had troubles with her heart as well. Kara was my roommate at our 2015 ELCA College Chaplains' Retreat at the Spirit in the Desert Retreat Center in Carefree, AZ. It was in the next year that she found out that she had breast cancer. She had surgery and chemo. She lost her hair and rocked a cool baseball style cap over her bald dome.
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| Pastor Kara Baylor in the front center with all of us at Spirit in the Desert Retreat Center, 2015 |
On June 26, 2021, she hosted a Thank You gathering for all her family and friends who had supported her along the way. I made a plan to attend and show my support and love. It was a beautiful gathering in Kenosha, WI and it was good to give Kara a hug and share stories. She was so happy that the treatments seemed to work and that the worst was behind her. At that time, I talked to her about the possibility of her returning to her bike riding. She and I shared a love for riding bike trails. Since her balance wasn't very good, I suggested that she consider a cool three-wheeled bike. They make them nowadays in very light materials and they are easy to operate. She said she'd give it some thought. I mentioned that I could make a plan to return and ride with her. In June of 2021, she got her new wheels!
On December 30, 2022 she wrote:
Since 2014, I have had a major medical issue, dealing with my heart or cancer, in even numbered years. 2022 has had no major issues with either my cancer or heart. Happy to change this life pattern. Please celebrate with me!
In a few short months from this post, in February, both Kara and I were preparing to celebrate Mardi Gras and Ash Wednesday on both of our campuses. Both of us had to curtail or cancel Ash Wednesday due to a huge midwestern ice storm that swept through Iowa and Wisconsin. It was always fun to see what my colleagues were doing on their campuses. I loved seeing the meanigful events that Kara hosted with her students. Kara was a force of nature!
And so, we celebrated with her -- until -- we couldn't. She began to have troubles with her vision. The cancer went to her brain. It was so awful to think about this for her. Kara, this brilliant, bright, compassionate and courageous pastor and amazing women, struggled to write make sentences on FB - but still, she tried -- until she couldn't. On May 19th at 11:02 pm, she posted this: "I can't post anything anymore. I can't make sure it's current." My heart is breaking for her family and all who loved her. Her death happened right before the Carthage College Commencement weekend. As the Chaplain of the College, she would have had official responsibilities in offering prayers and being present at the spiritual guide for those in that flock. This year, the college community is experiencing great loss and sorrow in the midst of their celebrations.
There are so, so, so many tributes to Kara in her FB page; too numerous to recount. But I'd like to post one of them from a friend that captures the deep sense of connection to Kara. This is from Carrie Espinosa, the Assistant Dean of Students to the University of Chicago:
Almost every night, my daughter asks me to tell her a talking story as I give her bedtime snuggles. Tonight, I told her about Kara Skatrud Baylor, Campus Pastor at Carthage College, who baptized her a few months after she was born. Just a few short months ago, Kara also gave me the recommendation of who to baptize our son after transitioning to UChicago: Pastor Nancy at Augustana Lutheran Church, the pastor she remembered from attending church during her seminary years in Hyde Park. I smiled, knowing that this church, a block from my office, had an outdoor fridge offering food to those in need and pictures of community members who lost their lives to senseless gun violence, calling for peace. How perfect.
When the pastor (who said ‘of course!’ she remembered Kara) asked me why I chose them, I smiled again and explained more or less, ‘I trust Kara. Kara knows my heart.’
I will choose to remember you this way: Passionate about helping faculty, staff and students alike step into their calling. Fierce in your advocacy for interfaith understanding and social justice. Proud mom, amazing colleague, and confidant to many, including me.
I told Amelia, ‘I’m going to miss her’ and went quiet. My sweet four year old hugged me and asked, ‘but you’re going to carry her in your heart, right mom?’
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| My Ordination, June 5, 1983 in Christ Chapel, Gustavus Adolphus College, St. Peter, MN |
